A MIDDLE-CLASS boy who was not wearing enough sunscreen of a high-enough factor spontaneously combusted yesterday.
Property lawyers Julian and Francesca Cook neglected to slather their son Reuben in enough UV protection and saw him reduced to ash after only making it a few steps into their one-and-a-quarter acre garden with orchard.
Julian said: “We were in the orangery putting his sunscreen on when he thought he saw a nuthatch. Well that’s on the checklist for his house at school’s birdwatching trophy.
“Thrilled, he ran outside before I’d finished applying his third coat of factor 60. He’s not like common boys who play out on bikes you see, he’s sensitive and learning Russian.
“We’ve been protecting him from the sun’s deadly beams his whole life. His porcelain skin wasn’t exposed to an overcast sky until he was 18 months. And now this.
“But the Archers omnibus was on, Francesca was preparing carrot batons for our midday hummus, and we let the reins slip. Now he’ll never go to Cambridge.”