CHILDREN who have been at home for the past 12 weeks have sacked off schooling to concentrate on being a pain in the arse.
Subjects such as English and maths have been replaced with putting shoes down the toilet, shouting “I’m bored” and wrecking the house.
Mum-of-two Emma Bradford said: “It was all going so well at first. We’d be dressed by 9am, do a bit of PE, watch a BBC Bitesize and sit at the table drawing rainbows.
“But now it’s all gone to shit. Nobody is getting dressed at all and exercise is just the kids shouting ‘go f**k yourself’ at Joe Wicks.
“Honestly, I had no idea that my kids were such dicks. Someone put a cat turd in my shoe yesterday.
“I am seriously considering going out and licking stuff so I catch coronavirus and have to isolate from them.”
Bradford’s children Molly and Jack were unavailable for comment due to being busy making in-game purchases on her iPad.