Friday, 3rd July 2020

Kids reach 'f**k this shit' stage of lockdown

CHILDREN who have been at home for the past 12 weeks have sacked off schooling to concentrate on being a pain in the arse.

Subjects such as English and maths have been replaced with putting shoes down the toilet, shouting “I’m bored” and wrecking the house.

Mum-of-two Emma Bradford said: “It was all going so well at first. We’d be dressed by 9am, do a bit of PE, watch a BBC Bitesize and sit at the table drawing rainbows.

“But now it’s all gone to shit. Nobody is getting dressed at all and exercise is just the kids shouting ‘go f**k yourself’ at Joe Wicks.

“Honestly, I had no idea that my kids were such dicks. Someone put a cat turd in my shoe yesterday. 

“I am seriously considering going out and licking stuff so I catch coronavirus and have to isolate from them.”

Bradford’s children Molly and Jack were unavailable for comment due to being busy making in-game purchases on her iPad.