Man accidentally joins conversation about Mooncups

A 31 YEAR-OLD man has been left with post-traumatic stress disorder after accidentally joining female colleagues in a conversation about Mooncups.

Julian Cook unwittingly took a place among the group at lunchtime, enduring a 20-minute analysis of the pros and cons of the silicone menstrual cup while trying to finish his pasta salad as quickly as possible.

He said: “I realised something was up when Alice from HR said that she loves hers, but had the wrong size at first and felt like she’d been punched in the vagina.

“Then the office manager Rachel, who I have only ever said hello to while making a cup of tea, started talking about how her endometriosis means her flow is unpredictable, so tampons are a nightmare.

“The final straw was when Sharon from marketing said she sometimes pretends her Mooncup is a glass of Merlot before pouring it away.”

He added: “To be honest, I actually thought menstrual blood was blue because of the adverts. I learned things today that I will never forget.”

Cook had to take the rest of the afternoon off to recover in a darkened room, but has since started texting his sister about the environmental benefits of moving away from tampons.

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Center Parcs is Brexit heaven, scientists confirm

CENTER Parcs is heaven for people who voted Leave, it has been confirmed.

Research by the Institute for Studies found Center Parcs was the dream destination for anyone who likes Brexit, because it feels like a lovely British village but under a protective dome.

Leave voter and holidaymaker Donna Sheridan said: “It wasn’t about having it in for foreigners.

“I know you asked me why I like Center Parcs, but I just felt I had to tell you that first. It was about getting more money for the NHS.”

Fellow Leave voter Norman Steele added: “I love Center Parcs as it’s the type of place where you can read the Daily Mail whilst going down a water slide and no one will look twice at you.

“They also do archery here which is great if you want to build hand-eye coordination, or perhaps protect your borders from the French.

“I do hope once Brexit goes through that they will change the name to Center Parks instead of Center Parcs. It’s just a bit more British, isn’t it?”