Monday, 8th March 2021

Man comes to disturbing realisation that he enjoys running

A MAN is afraid of what he might become after going out on a run and enjoying it.

Julian Cook was so bored during lockdown that he begrudgingly decided to go for a run, only to find that it was not that bad and that he was considering doing it again.

He said: “My wife wanted to go for a run, so like any good husband I went along so I could prove her wrong.

“But next thing I knew I was bounding along the path inhaling gulps of fresh air, feeling more relaxed than I have in months. It was disgusting.

“I kept telling myself I could stop any time, but I just didn’t want to. I took a second lap round. It’s all a blur but, yes, I might have even picked up the pace.

“I couldn’t look my wife in the eye afterwards. The repercussions this will have on our marriage, like improvements to my general health and well-being? I didn’t know how I was going to sleep that night. Like a baby. The next morning I woke before the alarm.

“What if I become one of the wankers posting about sunrises and natural highs after 2.2k hill climbs? What if I do a half-marathon? A full marathon? What if I do it dressed as an aubergine? Oh God.”