Friday, 4th December 2020

Man is tier 3 in week but tier 1 on weekends

A MAN has explained that during the week he lives a locked-down tier 3 lifestyle but at the weekends he treats himself to living like a tier 1. 

Nathan Muir of Sheffield believes his personal compromise with the government’s pandemic prevention system offers everyone involved the best of both worlds.

He said: “Monday to Friday, I’m fully tier 3. I’ve no argument with the government’s lockdown and I observe it to the letter. I literally do f**k all.

“Friday night through Sunday night, as a reward for being so strictly observant through the week, I’m back in tier 1. Mixing with other households in the pub, the curry house, the pub again, then back to Rob’s for some cans and a modest party.

“We’re tier 2 here, you see, so by charting a course exactly between tier 1 and tier 3 I’m perfectly in line with the rules and following the science.”

He added: “They should move onto something like this nationally. Bet Chris Whitty will be embarrassed he didn’t think of it first.”