Man’s new diet mostly stopping having sugar in tea

A MAN is going on a pre-Christmas crash diet by no longer taking three spoons of sugar in his tea. 

Tom Logan’s plan, which he hopes will lose him a stone-and-a-half in three weeks, also includes downloading a running app and taking his gym kit to work, but he admits the sugar is the most likely to make a difference.

He said: “It’s been three whole days and I won’t deny it’s been tough. But I’ve resisted temptation, and I’ve battled through.

“As I keep telling people, tea isn’t actually that nice without sugar. But I’ve resisted the temptation to just cut my intake to two spoons or one spoon, and got rid of it entirely.

“I was on six cups a day, minimum, so this is no small thing. It’s a massive change, and I expect I’ll be seeing the benefits as soon as Friday.

“It’s hard to believe I ever enjoyed a cup of tea with sugar in it now. That Tom feels like a different person. I look back, and I pity him.”

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How working-class are your Christmas decorations?

THERE’S a fine line between decorating your home tastefully for the festive season and outing yourself as a tasteless pleb. Our guide tells you what is acceptable.

Inflatable snowman

Invariably looming and hideous like something from a nightmare and kept inflated with a noisy motor that disturbs the peace of the whole crescent.

Working-class rating: Common

Light-up presents and candy canes

A tough one to call. Good quality ones can be quite tasteful and jolly, and the American influence suggests a certain cultural sophistication. Also illuminates your year-round herb garden.

Working-class rating: Indeterminate

Outdoor figures of Simpsons in Santa hats

Nothing shouts ‘white van man’ like a glowing Homer Simpson with only the most cursory Christmas connection.

Working-class rating: Staffie, tracksuit and fights outside pubs

Large plastic Christmas tree

Not having a real tree is shamefully nouveau, but the really big plastic ones are expensive and you may simply have better things to do than endlessly pick up pine needles.

Working-class rating: Fine for barristers, doctors and Stacey Solomon alike

Minimalist fairy lights

Whether neatly affixed to your porch or draped on a shrub, these lights are boring but do not really have any class connotations. Unless set on ‘twinkle’, which is tacky.

Working-class rating: Acceptable for white-collar professionals as long as everyone else on the new-build estate also has them

Life-size Santa, sleigh and reindeer on your roof

This OTT exercise in showing off strongly suggests you are either a lottery winner or a builder coining it in by fiddling your tax.

Working-class rating: You are the King of the Chavs, and this is your crown