A 48-YEAR-OLD is baffled as to why body-punishing treats like staying up late, drinking whiskey and eating fry-ups are no longer fun but just hurt.
Tom Logan booked the week off with plans to really kick out the jams like in the old days, but found he can no longer even consume a bag of Skittles Sours without his teeth hurting for a week.
He said: “The first night I was on the vodka Red Bulls, playing Sniper Elite, planning to pull an all-nighter. Why the f**k not? I love that shit.
“But my eyes hurt playing in the dark, the Red Bull made my heart race, the vodka made my guts hurt and I wanted to go to bed. Where I stayed awake until the 5am hangover kicked in.
“I got an Irn Bru and a bag of onion rings from Sainsbury’s, my patented hangover cure. It felt awful going in and made the gut situation catastrophically worse.
“I’m still feeling the fry-up I had for breakfast the following day, and watching all of Better Call Saul until 4am didn’t happen. I can’t even remember which episode I fell asleep during. Maybe the first one.”
He said: “It’s pathetic. I’m meant to be having it large this weekend. I’m getting some weed in. Last time it made me silent for an hour then sick, but I reckon that was a one-off.”