Tuesday, 21st January 2020

NHS gone

BRITAIN is watching the National Health Service being replaced by signs promising that an exciting new health provider is coming soon.

Across the UK, hospitals, clinics and doctors have been removedleaving only hoardings showing airbrushed images of fantastic healthcare being given to pretty people.

Francesca Logan, standing outside the razor-wire fenced 74-acres of waste ground that used to be the Royal Surrey County Hospital, said: “It’s all very well that 21st century healthcare solutions are coming soon to this space, but my baby’s due next week.

“Though it has solved the problems with parking.”

A government spokesman said: “Unfortunately we found that across the country the NHS was under assault by the British public, who were draining its resources, exhausting its staff and even dying on its premises, leaving it in an absolutely terrible state.

“Consequently we have taken the difficult decision to remove the NHS from the British Isles until further notice.

“We apologise for any inconvenience this might cause over the next few years, but if you do find you need urgent surgery call 111 and automated voice menus will guide you through the necessary steps.”