A PENIS feeling the effects of colder weather is the latest victim of shrinkflation, it has emerged.
Tom Booker’s shrivelled reproductive organ currently measures up at just two-and-a-half inches, contradicting his wife’s fond memories that it used to be much bigger and more satisfying.
Mary Booker said: “I swear it used to be longer than the palm of my hand, even during especially cold winters. This is Toblerone levels of shrinkage.
“Back in the good old days you could clearly make out its proud, prominent bulge rising majestically through his jeans. It was tempting. Now it’s all withered and the balls are scrunched up and you’re disappointed before it’s even unwrapped.
“Tom assures me it’s only due to the cold and he’s a grower not a shower. There’s only so much growing you can do when that’s your starting point. Two bites and it’s gone.
“Sadly it seems Tom’s cock has been consigned to the scrapheap of nostalgia, joining the likes of Quality Street tins, multipack crisps, and other things that were once enjoyably massive but are now disappointingly small. I’ll start a retro Facebook page about it.”
Booker said: “We’re never going back to the days of the King Size Mars Bar. Mary needs to accept that.”