RESEARCH into regular snorers has found they do it because they are horrible people.
A two-year study was carried out to discover how someone can breathe normally throughout the day but then start making noises like a wild pig being violated by a hillbilly the moment their head hits the pillow.
Sleep specialist Dr Donna Sheridan said: “Ultimately there was only one conclusion – they are sick, vile bastards.
“Our research found that snorers are fundamentally bad people who lack the integrity to express their malevolence during their normal waking lives, which makes them even worse.
“What better way to ruin others’ lives than by spending all night snorking like a f**king walrus then coming down to breakfast looking rested and full of energy and asking ‘Sorry, was I snoring last night?’”
Study subject Nikki Hollis said: “Frankly I get off on driving my boyfriend Alan to the brink of insanity. The fact that he’s a kind and decent person who always says it’s not my fault just increases my sadistic pleasure.
“Obviously I could choose not to snore – all snorers can, just by thinking ‘don’t snore’ before we go to sleep. It’s that easy.
“But unfortunately we live to torment people. There is absolutely no reason for it. We’re like the psychopathic thrill killers in The Strangers, but more annoying.”
