MOST depressing day of the year? Only if you fall for that nonsense. Stoical father Steve Malley tells you how to get through it by not feeling emotions:
Pretend it’s fine
Once you get used to bottling up your feelings, like I did in childhood and my dad did before me, nothing affects you. Yes, I occasionally have furious outbursts when doing DIY or trying to park, but that’s because those things are bloody frustrating, not because they’re my only outlet.
Never talk to anyone about anything
Communication is a sign of weakness. Women do it. Instead, get through Blue Monday without saying a word about anything to anyone. Yes, it’s hard when co-workers grunt ‘Good weekend?’ so don’t beat yourself up if you gush ‘yeah had a quiet one mate’. Nobody’s perfect.
Think about sport
Sport’s good. You can rely on sport. Most of the emotions associated with that are good and healthy and negative, especially if you’re shrewd enough to support Shrewsbury Town.
There’s no need to, because this is just any ordinary day and nobody believes that bollocks, but don’t be afraid to indulge yourself if necessary. Put on your hat, coat and gloves and spend lunchtime watching a documentary about Nazi architects on your phone in your car.
Take the dog out
No supposedly emotional moment cannot be countered with ‘I’ll take the dog out.’ Daughter’s announced she’s pregnant? Son’s announced he’s gay? Wife’s announced she’s leaving you? Walk the dog. When you come back everyone will have simmered down and stopped the dramatics.
Just don’t be sad
It’s as simple as that. Other useful phrases are ‘Buck yourself up’, ‘Stop whinging’ and ‘Ah well, can’t be helped’. If those don’t work you might as well give up.