THE public has been reminded they should never leave goths alone in a car on a hot day because it can be fatal.
Goth expert Dr Helen Archer warned that pale-faced gloomsters risk overheating even if you park in the shade and leave the window open a crack to let a cool breeze in.
Archer said: “This is the most dangerous time of the year for melancholic weirdos who stubbornly wear ball gowns and cloaks in 30 degrees heat, and cars only compound their suffering.
“Vehicles quickly become as hot as ovens and before you know it goths will be sweating off their makeup, which will make them properly sad instead of just pretend sad.
“You might think you’re doing the right thing by leaving them to wallow in their pain and torment in the back seat with a Siouxsie and the Banshees CD, but you’d be better off taking them for a walk around a crypt or a haunted castle.
“I’d also recommend keeping a pewter chalice filled with cool Ribena on your person too. If they’re reluctant to drink it say it’s blood and watch them down every last drop.”
Goth Wayne Obsidian-Ribcage said: “Thanks to Helen’s advice thousands of goths will lead long and happy lives thinking about death.”