Single hit of heroin contains six spoons of sugar

HEALTH watchdogs have warned heroin addicts that they are risking their lives by consuming up to eighteen spoonfuls of sugar a day.

Sugar, which causes obesity, heart disease and tooth decay, is added to heroin to disguise the bitter opiates and increase its appeal to younger users.

But the World Health Organisation says intravenous drug users are unwittingly consuming a sugary health time bomb.

A spokesman said: “Three hits a day, 21 hits a week – it all adds up to a bucketload of empty calories concealed behind the narcotic bliss of smack.”

Habitual drug user Tom Booker said: “One of my main motivations for taking heroin is weight loss and to bring out my cheekbones.

“Yet after years of doing smack I look more like Eddie Large after a cruise ship holiday than Renton in Trainspotting.”

The WHO believes hidden sugar is largely responsible for drug-related crime.

The spokesman said: “Injecting street grade heroin is like eating nine bags of Haribo in one go. You practically have to go and do a burglary just to give your body something to do.”

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It wasn't deliberate, says Titanic glacier

THE glacier that spawned the ‘Titanic iceberg’ has denied any malicious intent.

Massive ice block Nikki Hollis said she hates journalists saying she “took down” or even “killed” the Titanic like some sort of U-boat.

“I am a large floating object that bits sometimes break off of. I have no motor functions, it’s not like Jaws where there’s a predator thing going on.

“And I don’t sail around looking for cruise liners and pedalos to sink, in revenge for humans’ use of ice cubes in drinks.

“Something things hit me or bits of me, I’m sorry about that but it’s just how it goes. Please try to avoid me.”