MOST therapists claim they can help homosexuals to restrict their gayness to weekends only, according to new research.
In a survey 97% of mental health professionals said that if a patient came to them asking to be made less gay or not gay at all, they would be more than happy to sign them up for an introductory period of 48 weekly sessions.
Therapist Dr Bill McKay said: “My programme of weekend gayness allows many people to control their Monday to Friday perversions leaving them free to enjoy playful office banter about bums and titties.
“In order to control the gayness I show them pictures of naked ladies, sometimes on all fours with a sexy, come-hither look on their face, sometimes with legs akimbo.
“I then ask the patient if he is experiencing erections.
“Of course, we can’t cure people overnight and in the vast majority of cases it takes years and years and years and years of weekly therapy at £150 an hour.
“It sounds like a lot, but as I always tell them, you can’t put a price on being slightly less gay.”