Third Covid wave to provide neat conclusion to trilogy

THE upcoming third wave of Covid is expected to wrap up all the loose ends and bring the trilogy to a fitting close, fans believe. 

Following the global impact of the first two waves the third has been much anticipated, though critics fear that it is arriving too quickly on the heels of the last one and may botch the ending like Game of Thrones. 

Epidemiologist Dr Helen Archer said: “Nobody thought the first wave would do what it did. We were blown away. The second was still powerful, but people knew what to expect.

“But it all comes down to this third wave. I like that we’re returning to Wuhan where it all began and the vaccine race adds that element of tension the second wave was missing, but can they do it?

“We all love a good trilogy but it’s harder than you think. The last Star Wars was bollocks, Blade III sucked, even the Godfather. I just hope it hasn’t written itself into a corner.”

Fan Joe Turner agreed: “Now the November lockdown’s been declared non-canon we’re ready for a final blockbusting instalment of this saga that’s had the whole world gripped.

“Will Covid be remembered fondly like the Dark Knight trilogy, or as a disappointment like the Matrix trilogy?

“No. No, it can’t be as bad as the Matrix trilogy.”

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Hot weather stifling now it's a workday

THE lovely warm weather enjoyed by Brits nationwide has legally been declared stifling, close and unbearably claggy as it continued into Tuesday.

Britain is struggling after pleasant temperatures of 22-25 degrees over the long weekend were followed by insufferable heat of 22-25 degrees during working hours.

Mortgage adviser Stephen Malley said: “Nobody should be expected to work in these conditions. It’s inhuman.

“Yesterday was so lovely. A kickabout in the park, a barbecue, a relaxed beer at sunset. Today it’s so sweltering in here I can’t even answer an email.

“I’m at home, so I’ve got no air conditioning. Just open windows, fans and plenty of cold fresh water. I now know what it is like to be in hell.

“I can barely see my screen through the heat haze in this oven, while my family relax outside enjoying the lovely weather. Though if I work outside my skin’s crisping in the sun and insects are biting me while they’re inside in the shade, lovely and cool.

“I’m no Greta Thunberg, but this just isn’t sustainable. We have to do something about this, and now. Forecast’s still good for next weekend though, right?”