Vegans still claiming they have their own cheese

VEGANS have repeated their claim that they have their own type of cheese.

Despite being told they are demonstrably wrong, the vegans keep saying it, as if somehow that could eventually make it true.

Vegan Tom Booker said: “When I first went vegan, I was excited to tell all my non-vegan friends about how I was saving the world, and how they were all basically Nazis.

“But I was also quite sad about pizza.

“I needn’t have worried, because we have our own vegan cheese, and it tastes exactly the same as planet-destroying cow cheese, but without the aftertaste of murder. You can barely even tell that it’s made from nuts.”

He added: “We also have our own nut milk.”

Booker’s girlfriend, Emma Bradshaw, said: “It’s great that Tom’s so involved in some fucking cause. But it’s not cheese, it’s a rubbery, beige delusion.”