A WOMAN has once again spent several hours at her local gym doing anything except working out.
Nikki Hollis has been attending the gym Super Elite Fitness for the past two years in order to relax, play with her phone, use the sauna and delude herself that she is somehow getting fit.
Hollis said: “It’s not fair to say I’m not improving my fitness. All those smoothies must be making me super-healthy and full of vitamins.
“At least I actually go to the gym. Most of my friends pay £60 a month and never go, but I’m there all the time, walking vigorously to the comfy seats and exercising my upper body unpacking my gym bag.
“In any case it’s up to me what I use the membership for, which today is admiring my cool new gym wear in a mirror.”
Fellow gym user Joseph Turner said: “It’s really annoying when Nikki is having a rest on the leg press when I want to use it. She seems to think it’s some sort of high-tech sofa.
“To be fair she does do some exercise. Her thumb muscles must be ripped from all that texting.”