Saturday, 24th October 2020

Woman improves morning routine by adding line of coke

A WOMAN has made her mornings more streamlined and productive by snorting a fat line off the mirror.

Nikki Hollis, aged 34, found that a quick toot on waking lessened the dread and lethargy of hearing the alarm, put a spring in her step and sent her out the door with a smile.

Hollis said: “I tried drinking hot water with lemon, I tried yoga, but I’m not living on an ashram facing sunrise, I’m in a semi on the outskirts of Reading.

“Taking cocaine every morning gives me a clear head, a desire to engage with everyone I meet with a level of intensity that scares them, and boundless energy until I slump.

“I jog to the office, I’ve cut out coffee entirely, and I really contribute in meetings. And my work’s much more important to me now I need the money for class A drugs.”

Boss Susan Traherne said: “Since adopting her ‘Rise and Line’ routine earlier this year, Nikki’s productivity and engagement with our client base has gone through the roof.

“I am also her dealer.”