Woman not delighted to discover she is subject of stock photo illustrating ‘obesity’

A 43-YEAR-OLD woman has discovered that her stomach has become the standard image that illustrates news articles about obesity.

Mother-of-two Susan Traherne was paid a small fee by a photographer who said the photo was going to be used in a jeans catalogue.

She said: “I remember the photographer saying ‘That’s great Susan, you’re looking so hot in these pictures, damn you are smoking’.

“So I was quite surprised to see my stomach illustrating a news website article about how people eat way too much fried food.

“Then in newspapers below the headlines FAT BRITAIN and The Porkiness Epidemic.

“Apparently it’s on a website where if you type in ‘obesity’ you can download and use the picture for a small fee.

“It’s fair to say it’s affecting my self esteem.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Queen can kill a man with one finger

THE Queen is a lethal human weapon trained by Shaolin monks, it has been confirmed.

The monarch left her family home at the age of four, travelling alone to the remote Buddhist temple where she learned to remain perfectly still during the Royal Variety Performance, as well as advanced combat techniques including the dreaded ‘Mantis Strike’ and ‘Breath of Viper’.

A palace spokesman said: “Etiquette is just another branch of martial arts, and all queens are sent to the monks for posture and weapons training. It’s like a British boarding school but less weird.

“I’ve seen the queen slice out a minor diplomat’s throat with a silver cake fork, then calmly step aside to dodge the arterial spray.

“She can also levitate and slow her metabolism to such an extent that being in a room with Rolf Harris becomes tolerable.”