Friday, 4th December 2020

Woman now fully qualified in first aid and making people feel inadequate

A WOMAN who has completed a first aid course is now able to make other people feel pathetic for being useless in an emergency.

Office worker Donna Sheridan can now save a choking person, safely put someone in the recovery position and make everyone feel bad for not having a clue what to do in a crisis.

Colleague Martin Bishop said: “I really respect what Donna’s doing, but when she told me about helping a guy who’d collapsed in the street I realised what a useless tosser I am.

“If someone had a heart attack I’d just panic and watch them die in front of me. Or do the wrong thing, which would basically be murdering them. I can’t believe I’m such a bastard.”

Sheridan said: “It’s all about saving lives, but I do get the perk of being able to raise my voice at other adults whilst gently shoving them out the way to get to the victim.

“Everyone should do a first aid course, although I have to admit that would take a bit of the shine off it for me.”