Friday, 7th May 2021

Woman obsessively social distancing for months going for haircut moment it's possible

A WOMAN who has barely left the house in months because she is paranoid about coronavirus will f**k it all off for a haircut, she has confirmed. 

Charlotte Phelps will not even go to the shops for a pint of milk, washes groceries with bleach and wears a facemask in the garden, but has already booked a July 4th appointment to get her roots done.

She said: “I can’t be expected to go on like this. I found three grey hairs this morning. Some things are bigger than the pandemic.

“We need to be allowed to defend what’s important to us. This must be how NHS workers feel, risking their lives for the greater good.

“It’s a humanitarian endeavor for the whole of society. It’s an affirmation of worth. Caring for my hair is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is a radical political act.

“If I go down to the virus at least I’ll go down with beautifully even highlights and no split ends.”