Woman only sees GP if internet self-diagnosis is serious

A WOMAN only bothers her GP when the symptoms she has Googled are life-threatening, she has confirmed. 

Joanna Kramer, who has no medical training but does watch House, is fairly expert on the standard diseases, viruses and obscure neurological disorders so does not involve medical professionals unless she enters a search string that really hits the jackpot.

She said: “GPs don’t know that much about medicine. They’re so used to dealing with colds and bad backs that when a genuine case of Guillain-Barre syndrome walks through the door they haven’t got a clue.

“I wouldn’t bother them with flu, or Covid, or when I fall over and gash my head because you can just stick a bag of frozen peas on that. But when WebMD confirms this spot on my forehead is necrotising fasciitis, they need to know.

“I’m incredible at diagnosing myself. Once I’ve discovered exactly what it is I definitely have, I turn up with pages of printed notes, complete with pictures, and tell them precisely what treatment I need.

“It goes to show that you don’t need six years of medical school, just decent wifi.”

Dr Helen Archer, Kramer’s GP, said: “Yeah, she comes in here with three inches of print-outs claiming to have sub-Saharan river blindness. I prescribe asprin.”