A WOMAN who badly needs a cup of tea to get anything done is unable to make one because she needs one so badly.
Emma Bradford has resumed working from home today, but so far has done nothing but stare longingly at the empty space where a steaming cup of tea would be if only she had one.
She said: “Where is my tea? Why is the kitchen so far away? How can this ever end?
“This is why people get married. My mum always said ‘you’ll change your mind someday’ and I have. Not because of babies or companionship but because I need tea. Lovely tea.
“I could call Deliveroo to bring me tea but they’d make it wrong and it’d be cold and I’d have to go to the door which is further than the kettle. It’s an unsolvable conundrum.
“Maybe I should set up a kettle here on the coffee table, and replace this side table with a small fridge for milk. Or move into a hotel.
“The trouble is, the necessary brainpower and energy for all of this requires caffeine.
“I’ll just stay here a bit longer.”