Sunday, 16th February 2020

Woman personally offended that she still gets spots in her 30s

A WOMAN has confirmed that she considers it a personal attack that she still occasionally has spots despite being 34. 

Emme Bradford confided in friends that the latest arrival of a large red spot on her forehead, despite not having been a teenager for a decade and a half, has convinced her we live in a cruel, empty universe without a god.

She continued: “I’ve got a car. I’ve got a mortgage. I’m having conversations about having kids. Why am I getting this adolescent bullshit?

“It’s like my body’s calling me immature, and making me wear an ugly mark of ugly youth even though I’m a practicing adult. What do I have to do to get rid of it? Take out a pension?

“I didn’t even have that many spots when I was younger. But here I am staring at one. How do you even treat them? Is Oxy-10 still a thing?

“This has completely taken away that warm glow I got from the bloke at the off licence asking me for ID yesterday. Now I just think he asked me because I had a spot.”

Off licence owner Norman Steele said: “Yeah, I asked her because she had a spot.”