Friday, 6th December 2019

Woman refusing to concede that husband has cold

A WOMAN is refusing to accept that her husband has caught a cold in case he expects special treatment. 

Carolyn Ryan has stoutly denied that husband Jeff is suffering a cold, offering reasons for his sniffles and sneezes ranging from hay fever to allergies to a delayed-onset hangover.

She said: “Yes his nose is streaming, but have you seen the pollen count? It’s through the roof.

“And of course he can’t taste anything after that jalfrezi he had last night. Last week. Whatever. Anyway, that’s that explained.

“The sneezing? He could sort that out himself by getting the duster out. It’s an inch thick in here. But he’d rather lie about with his tissues and his Lemsip he doesn’t need.

“Bugger off it’s a cold. I’m not running around after him while he lies in bed malingering. It’s a collection of disparate symptoms which coincidentally add up to look like a cold but each with their own individual explanation, that’s all.”

She added: “If he gives it to me I’ll fucking kill him.”