Woman who doesn't carry a bottle of water everywhere still alive

A WOMAN who left the house without taking any water provisions has survived her journey in perfect health.

Helen Archer amazed onlookers by carrying neither a reusable water bottle or a half-litre of Evian on her recent trip to a post office, and by getting there and back without any hydration whatsoever.

She explained: “It all started when I left my bottle of Volvic on a train and was forced to go two hours without a single drop of water.

“It was then I realised that I was one of those rare women, perhaps one in ten million, who was able to get through an entire afternoon without frantically swigging water.

“It’s great, because now I can get through a whole ten minutes without needing a piss.”

Dr Julian Cook said: “I haven’t seen anything like this since the 1990s, when somehow everyone managed to survive without a water-filled reusable drinking bottle.

“This woman is either a medical marvel or the eight glasses of water a day thing is bullshit.”

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Plucky entrepreneur starts business with nothing but determination and 250 grand from parents

A YOUNG entrepreneur has started a business with nothing but hard work and enough money from his parents to buy a Ferrari.

Plucky Tom Logan has started making ‘organic flip-flops’ in a specially built workshop in the grounds of his parents’ weekend home in the Cotswolds.

Logan, who has yet to make a sale, said: “When I came into this shed I had nothing more than the Comme de Garcons shirt on my back.

“I’m an example of what you can do if you have unreasonable confidence in yourself and have been given everything you wanted.

“I truly believe this business will work. If it doesn’t, I’ll think of some other nonsense or steal an idea off someone else.”

Tory MP Jacob Rees-Mogg said: “This is what modern Britain needs – young people putting their parents’ tax-free cash from offshore accounts towards harebrained ideas, and doing it all again when it inevitably goes wrong.”