Woman who gave up sugar confirms that all savoury things are healthy

A WOMAN who gave up sugar for health reasons thinks cheese is a good replacement because it is savoury.

Nikki Hollis, 29, decided she was going to quit sugar because it can cause heart disease and obesity, and is stuffing her face with Camembert instead, claiming it’s fine because it ‘isn’t sweet’.

Hollis said: “I wanted to go on a health kick before Christmas, so giving up sugar seemed like a good idea, given that all the health experts say it’s as addictive as smoking but without the benefit of making you look cool.

“So I’ve been eating a shitload of cheese instead. It’s delicious, filling and, most importantly, it isn’t sugary. It’s basically like eating a massive bag of kale, except it doesn’t make me want to kill myself.”

Boyfriend Nathan Muir said: “I’ve tried explaining to Nikki that cheese is as bad for you as sugar but she just says that it can’t be because you can put it on an oat cake, which you wouldn’t do with Haribo.”

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Commuters get to work quicker than usual by walking along the tracks

RAIL victims have had a more efficient journey to work than normal by just walking along the tracks.

The latest mess saw thousands of workers walk for hours along the railway line into central London and confirm it was immeasurably more enjoyable than their typical commute.

Jane Thomson, from Oxted, said: “I stumbled into work only a little bit dehydrated and traumatised. It was excellent.”

Makeshift trackside cafes and shops sprung up, causing many to abandon their jobs in the city and become a barista just outside Surbiton or an artisanal baker in Earlsfield.

Thomson added: “If it stays this way, in 20 years Woking station will be a fairy tale parents tell their kids to scare them away from infrastructure deregulation.”