Women go off sex because it's silly

WOMEN lose interest in sex during long-term relationships because the whole thing is just silly, a survey has found. 

More than a third of women surveyed said that they had sex less frequently because the whole thing was a lot of ridiculous nonsense that leaves all parties looking undignified.

Eleanor Shaw, aged 37, said: “It was alright when we were younger and had no money. But now we’ve got Netflix.

“It’s embarrassing to be naked, it’s embarrassing to be doing all that huffing and puffing about for the sake of one frankly unimpressive penis, and it’s even more embarrassing that I enjoy it.

“I mean, I’m a serious woman. I wear knit dresses and chair marketing meetings. I can’t be getting all worked up about something so laughably unsophisticated as all that.

“When I was 18, I thought going to an Ibiza foam party in a nightclub called Zanzibar’s was fun. Now it’d be stupid. Sex is no different.”

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Dad calls breasts 'knockers'

A FATHER refers to women’s breasts as ‘knockers’, it has emerged.

54-year-old Martin Bishop highlighted some ‘quite big knockers’ while watching daytime game show Countdown.

Bishop’s 13-year-old son Ian said: “I had no idea what he was on about. I thought he was describing some furniture or perhaps a race of elf-like creatures from a children’s book called The Journey of the Knockers.

“Then he was like ‘no, look at her knockers’. I was like ‘where?’ and he just pointed at a woman’s chest.

“I’m not sure if it means breasts or nipples. I mean, do dogs have knockers?”

Martin Bishop said: “I’m just teaching him the ways of the world, or at least the world as it was in 1979.”