THE men of Jamaica last night offered to show the world their incredibly healthy balls.
As researchers linked long-term marijuana use to testicular cancer the Caribbean island's male population said anyone who doubted the vigour of their balls should board a plane to Kingston immediately and cup them.
Sir Denys Finch-Hatton, the governor general, said even the briefest of cupping sessions would confirm the rude health of the nation's testicles.
He added: "Of course no-one round here can do a day's work and the transport system is little more than an elaborate hoax, but my God, the balls.
"Firm, flawless, magnificent. In fact, if you're ever listening to UB40 and you hear an instrument that sounds like the bongos, it's actually a Jamaican man playing his own nuts."
Winston Golding, an occasional fisherman from Trenchtown, said he had smoked the ganja all his adult life with no detrimnetal effects on his stupendous gonads.
He added: "Mr Scientist, if ya be thinkin' me balls are so diseased then why don't ya and Mrs Scientist come to Jamaica and have a closer look?
"But I tell you now, once ya missus get a sight o' me glorious knackers, ya be phonin' the airline tryin' to get a refund on her return ticket."