WORRIED parents are being urged not to automatically assume that their baby is as pathetic and ill-informed as they are.
Research has revealed that many parents have already decided their child will suffer from the same made-up food allergies they do.
And a recent study showed that 65% of GP visits were the result of parents believing their baby is developing a Coco Pops intolerance because they have a great aunt who is hypoglicemic.
But now scientists say there are other factors that cause babies to become feverish, develop a rash or shit themselves up to 18 times a day.
Dr Tom Logan, of the Institute for Studies, said: "It's because they're babies."
He added: "If your baby is developing in a perfectly normal way, try to not jump to the conclusion that it must be suffering from that corned beef allergy you read about in Take a Break.
"Also, if you think that you may have an intolerance to cheese, black pudding and Greggs pasties, don't assume that your baby is also going to be a delusional, self-absorbed halfwit.
"The best thing to do is wait until you have finished breast feeding and then either give the baby to Barnardos or leave it outside a big, posh house."