America to remain in darkness until at least 2020

THERE will be a darkness cloaking America for at least the next three years, it has emerged.

Millions of Americans took to the streets to hopefully watch the sun emerge from behind the moon, only to find that their country remained shrouded in darkness.

Tom Booker, from Oregon, said: “I guess we are stuck with the darkness, unless investigations into the darkness’s business practices turn up anything juicey and it gets removed.

“But I can’t imagine the darkness will go easily because it’s big and fat and sticky.

“On the plus side, I am saving a fortune on sun cream.”

Emma Bradford from Florida said: “I just avoid looking directly at the darkness, because it can make you go a bit insane.

“The best thing is to not think about it too much, keep eating slightly too much food, and hope this year brings another Lego Movie.”