American teenager arrested for interest in science

A TEXAN boy has been arrested for doing science.

Ahmed Mohamed, 14, was apprehended after he produced a small, time-telling ‘clock’ device, startling his teachers who had never seen anything like it.

Police chief Bill McKay added: “There’s plenty of good reasons why science was outlawed here in 2004.

“When people get interested in time it only leads one way – time machines.

“We’ve all seen Back to the Future, yes it’s a lighthearted film but it carries a serious and powerful message about the chaos that time travel can cause.

“Like Marty McFly getting biblical feelings for the young version of his mom, who looks pretty hot in her prom dress.

“That’s what happens when you meddle with time, or indeed anything. The message is ‘don’t meddle’.”

Mohamed is likely to be sent to a young offenders’ institute until his thirst for knowledge is reduced to a level in keeping with American values.

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Ask Holly: Do you think 'Yeezy III' is a good title?

Dear Holly,

Having just successfully completed my fashion show, Yeezy II, to resounding success, I was slightly worried I’d be stuck for ideas for my next fashion venture. But earlier today two men approached me in the street and showed me a fine fabric which they said was so beautiful that stupid people can’t see it. Of course, although at first I found it difficult to see anything, as I looked closer I definitely saw something, because I’m not stupid. The good news is that the two men are going to make me lots more of the special fabric which is extremely expensive and I will clothe myself and all the models and my wife in the fabric and the fashion world will finally accept me as a designer and visionary. Do you think ‘Yeezy III’ is a good title? Kim thinks it’s genius.


New York, Paris, Rome

Dear Kanye,

Grown ups always tell you that money might be able to buy lots of things, but the things that really matter can’t be bought. Really? I’ve done a bit of research and found that the Barbie Malibu Beach House, Snowglow Elsa and the FurReal Friends Get Up and Go Walking Pet can all be purchased with British Currency from a number of reliable outlets.

Hope that helps,