SYRIA’S President Assad is now realising the full value of not being friends with Tony Blair.
As the dictator swept majestically past the civilian body count of Colonel Gaddafi, he paid tribute to the former UK prime minister for not meeting him in a fancy tent and shaking his hand like two men who shared the same chiropractor.
A Syrian government spokesman said: “We realised, oh about ten, maybe twelve years ago now, that being friends with western leaders would lead, as night follows day, to some very noisy airstrikes, being dragged from a fetid hole in the ground and then, all of a sudden, being very, very dead.
“So instead, we placed our chips on the Russian and Chinese squares and, sure enough, we are now buying ourselves the biggest suite in the casino and furnishing it with top quality prostitutes.
“Boom shakalakalaka. Boom shakalakalaka. Boom.”
Syria also thanked former US defence secretary Donald Rumsfeld for not being filmed enveloping President Assad’s murderous scrotum in his soft, wet mouth.
The spokesman added: “Meanwhile, we’re currently trawling through our library of George Galloway quotes to see if he ever described President Assad as ‘the Lion King of the Arab nation’ or as ‘indomitable as Asterix and Obelix’.