Bitcoin founder not a real wizard


THE creator of Bitcoin has been revealed as a mere mortal who cannot dispense hearts, brains or courage.

Satoshi Nakamoto is in no way magical, but is just a middle-aged man who sits behind a shiny curtain and pulls levers.

When the news broke, the market value of Bitcoin plummeted as investors rushed to sell the currency because it wasn’t enchanted.

Emotionally-incomplete Roy Hobbs said “I was hoping Bitcoin man would give me gifts of guidance and spiritual counsel.

“But all he had to offer was the pile of old Nintendo magazines in his bathroom. And he got quite cross when I took one – he told me off using a megaphone, which was embarrassing.

“Now I know that he’s just a grumpy old man who sits around in his golden underpants, I’ve realised the truth I was seeking was inside me all along.”