Thursday, 15th April 2021

Britain joins Pacific trade area after f**k-up with map

THE UK has applied to join the Pacific free trade area after international trade secretary Liz Truss managed to completely f**k up reading a map. 

Truss is speaking to ministers in Japan and New Zealand this morning, will realise her error at that point, and bulldoze ahead as if she meant it regardless because that is what Tories do.

She said: “They are difficult to fold up, these maps, aren’t they. And unrelated, we’re joining the Comprehensive and Progressive Trans-Pacific Partnership which makes perfect sense.

“It’s an enormous free-trade area, far bigger than poxy little Europe, and means we’ll be able to sell honest British jams to Chile, Peru, Brunei and I guess Vietnam. So that’s good.

“The thing about oceans is they all look the same, so it’s easy to misidentify the Pacific as being next to Britain when actually that’s the Atlantic, but proximity’s overrated anyway.

“It’s got Australia and Canada in and they’re like us so it’s not a total loss, and we’re ready to accept any conditions Japan wants to impose because it’s fine because only EU trade deals affect precious sovereignty.

“So we don’t want trade deals with Europe or mean old Joe Biden now because of our new cool Pacific mates. So there.”