BRITAIN is markedly less enthusiastic about war with an opponent that started it and is hard as nails, it has emerged.
The UK, which was all over invading Iraq and bombing Afghanistan, is nowhere near as eager to get into armed conflict with the world’s fifth-largest army and all its tanks and guns.
Stephen Malley, who is usually hawkish in any conflict, said: “Iraq, well that was a war for justice. Afghanistan? Something had to be done about Osama Bin-Laden. Ukraine? Is it really our business?
“It’s not that I’m afraid of Russia. No way. It’s just that, well, they’ve got a bit of a reputation haven’t they? Stalingrad and all that. The Red Army advancing across Europe and staying in most of it for 40 years.
“Saddam Hussain was a bad man and all, but you could take the piss. Nobody takes the piss out of Putin. He poisoned the whole of Salisbury and we were just like ‘well don’t do it again’.
“There’s most of a continent between Russia and us. They own our newspapers, banks and football clubs. Obviously Britain can beat anyone when our dander’s up, but I’m just saying you choose your fights.
“How about we let Russia have this one and we keep our powder dry for if Morocco threatens Gibraltar? That’s more our kind of war.”