BRITISH passport holders evacuated from war-torn Sudan will be airlifted to the safe, happy paradise of Rwanda.
While the fragile truce in Sudan holds, British nationals will be removed from the conflict in the only way the Foreign Office is comfortable with.
Foreign secretary James Cleverly said: “Basically, it’s Rwanda or bust. We don’t have a plan B.
“I asked if we could bring them here but Suella stamped down hard on that one. Just because they’re British citizens doesn’t mean they can just waltz into Heathrow like they live here, apparently.
“So our planes are ready and raring to go on the tarmac with their noses pointed south. Once UK nationals get to the military base and flash their blue passports, they’re home and dry in Kigali.
“They’ll be entirely safe in a country that’s warm, welcoming and forbids criticism of its ruling authorities in any way. And they can stay there until we trust them. It might be a while. We’re not in a trusting place right now.”
Evacuee Dr Tom Booker said: “Once I touch down I’ll make my way up to Morocco, fly to Paris then hop into a small boat across the Channel. What could possibly go wrong?”