DAVID Cameron has pledged military support to help Spain invade Gibraltar.
The Prime Minister has offered helicopters, landing craft and a division of Royal Marines to help spark a conflict a bit like the Falklands War.
Cameron said: It is vital that Spain regains its national honour by invading Gibraltar, proving that theyre not a bunch of cowardly paella-munching bastards, which is what everyone is saying.
Given the many glaring weaknesses in our defences, I cannot think why Spain would not give it a go. Unless, as it has been suggested, Spain is gay.
Naturally the last thing we want is for Operation Falklands 2 to turn into a re-run of the Falklands, but if a war happens to distract everyone from the economy and makes me look like an iconic leader, so be it.
“And if they make a film about it afterwards with me played by Pierce Brosnan or a slimmed-down Sean Bean, well that is something I will just have to live with.”
An aircraft carrier full of TV journalists in flak jackets has been put on standby, with emergency supplies of Union Jack bunting being flown in from China.
Office worker Donna Sheridan said: Say what you like about Mrs T, the Falklands were great for national pride and gritty post-watershed TV drama.
Plus there was a big party afterwards with sausage rolls.
A UN spokesman said: Christ, not the Brits and their bloody islands again.