THE prime minister has promised that cannabis will still be illegal in Britain decades after everyone else has given in.
Cameron reacted to the news that Uruguay is legalising the drug by vowing that the UK will forever be the only person in the room not giggling at Spongebob Squarepants.
He continued: “No matter how many scientists I have to smear, how many police chiefs I must ignore or how many times I must pretend to myself that my wife is only lighting joss-sticks in her room, I will never surrender.
“At least until the editor of the Daily Mail dies at which point I’ll test the water with that medicinal marijuana cop-out.”
Cannabis dealer Wayne Hayes said: “David Cameron is a leader who listens to business, and he knows that if cannabis is legalised then my profit margin goes through the floor.
“Keep it illegal, keep it artisanal, and keep the taxman well away.”