CHINA has recorded the first protests in the country’s long and harmonious history, it has confirmed.
Demonstrations against the country’s zero-Covid policy have shocked the whole nation because nothing like this has ever taken place in the country previously.
A spokesman for President Xi Jinping, speaking from Tiananmen Square where the People’s Republic of China was founded in 1949, said: “Dissent? Here? Unprecedented.
“The world well knows that China resolves its disagreements peacefully – every official history agrees – so these protests are like nothing we’ve ever seen before.
“Conflict in public is not the Chinese way, as the people of Hong Kong know. That’s why they spontaneously ceased demonstrating and accepted the benevolent direction of the general secretary. Ask them if you doubt.
“Our policy is one of gentle re-education, at times in remote locations away from distractions to help concentrate the mind, with armed guards. If that was wrong surely the West would speak out?
“The people are steady in their belief that the supreme leader will end these protests with firmness and compassion. Soon it will be as if they never happened.”