A COUNTRY which has not managed to penetrate most of its closest neighbour in more than three years is ready to take the rest of the continent on, it has claimed.
After rejecting a deal in peace talks, Russia has ignored its marginal gains at the cost of one million men dead or injured and its whole economy and decided to rattle its sabre at an entire continent.
A Nato spokesperson said: “Ooh, I’m so scared. If they continue advancing at their current rate, they’ll be in Romania by 2085.
“Putin’s acting all big and tough because he’s almost claimed half a region teeming with pro-Russian militants. If he can barely do that then taking the fight westwards will be hilarious. To use a military term, he’ll look a right f**king mug.
“Russia’s already had to beg help from North Korea. China’s bleeding it dry. Where’s this ground force sweeping across central Europe coming from, Vlad? If the EU put boots on the ground you’d be back in Moscow before you could say ‘Where’s Wagner?’
“The only risk would be that the conflict then drags in China, Iran and North Korea while the US sits it out. Luckily the chances of that happening are only 80 to 90 per cent.”
Putin said: “I’m so tough I’m going to cut your underwater internet cables. That’s proper man’s warfare. I definitely haven’t run out of tanks.”
