DUP gets £1bn for murals of fat Protestant men in bowler hats

THE DUP is to get £1bn of taxpayers money to spend on very large paintings of fat men in bowler hats and orange sashes.

DUP leader Arlene Foster welcomed the cash as part of the ‘confidence and supply’ deal with Theresa May’s ‘government’ and promised a new, golden age of sectarian ‘art’.

She added: “We have murals depicting King William of Orange on his lovely horse, Her Majesty the Queen super-imposed over a Union Jack and members of certain paramilitary organisations of which we disapprove almost all of the time.

“All of these paintings take their rightful place in the great Western tradition of fine art.

“With this billion pounds we can now immortalise hundreds of chunky, loyalist men in their Sunday best hats with the sort of really skillful painting that can truly capture their hatred of Popery.”