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DUP gets £1bn for murals of fat Protestant men in bowler hats

THE DUP is to get £1bn of taxpayers money to spend on very large paintings of fat men in bowler hats and orange sashes.

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Houseguest paralysed by indecision over flushing toilet in middle of night

A MAN who is staying with friends has found himself paralysed by indecision after using the lavatory in the middle of the night.

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