England assumed everyone in Scotland was working class

ENGLAND has been surprised to learn that not everyone in Scotland is a foul-mouthed manual worker on the minimum wage. 

As word reached England of electoral gains for the Scottish Tories – previously considered a myth – English people have been forced to hypothesise the existence of right-wing, or even posh, Scottish people.

Researcher Norman Steele said: “It’s all conjecture so far, but if we assume a wealth curve similar to England’s we find ourselves confronting the idea of a Scottish ‘middle-class’.

“These people, who neither work in shipyards nor shoot heroin, are a mystery to us. No British politician even knew they existed. We should try and catch one and see what it does with a knife and fork.”

Bill McKay, a chartered accountant from Perth, said: “I’m just as capable as any English person of drinking Chablis, watching Downton Abbey and voting with my wallet.”