Tuesday, 7th July 2020

EU threatens to send expatriate grandparents home

THE EU has threatened to send your elderly expat relatives home to live with you.

Restrictions on immigration to Britain have been countered by emigration restrictions, meaning the silver-haired monsters usually confined to Skype will instead be inhabiting your spare room.

An EU spokesman said: “You complain that immigrants don’t integrate, don’t speak the language, and don’t respect your culture while sending us these wrinkled, reactionary sponges of sunlight?

“You moan of health tourists while sticking us with 70-year-olds yet to accept the link between smoking and cancer, and of criminals while literally renaming an area the Costa del Crime.

“Well, they’re all coming back. Oh, and bad news: their villas are worth nothing, so they’re moving in with you.

“Their bigoted breakfast table views on everything from marmalade to CBeebies will be a constant reminder that you did this to yourselves.”