Thursday, 15th April 2021

European countries suspend Oxford jab over fears it turns you gammon

FRANCE, Germany and Italy have suspended use of the UK-developed AstraZeneca vaccine following reports that it turns you into a raging gammon.

European leaders leaders came to the difficult decision after a number of the 11 million vaccinated became red-faced, belligerent and obsessed with defending statues.

A shaken Emmanuel Macron told his country he had to balance the risk of coronavirus with the risk of France being overrun by Wetherspoons full of blokes in their 50s drinking lager and talking common bloody sense.

He said: “This vaccine being from the UK was obviously a concern from the beginning. It’s like a xenophobic 28 Days Later.

“We feared that we might find microscopic particles of anti-EU sentiment in bloodstreams, but never imagined it would produce such a strong tendency to admire Jeremy Clarkson and complain that we were never grateful enough for World War Two.”

Parisian boulangerie worker Guillaume Dubois said: “I got the vaccine last week. Croissants? F**k off. I’m serving bacon baps and the Frogs can like it or kiss my arse.

“Love the Queen, hate Corbyn and BLM – simple as. As soon as I can I’m getting out of this cosmopolitan shit-hole and moving to Basildon.”