NONE of the European leaders visited on David Cameron’s whistle-stop tour of Europe are letting him use the toilet.
The prime minister, whose breakfast with Polish leader Ewa Kopacz was accompanied by pints of water and who drank three steins of ale over lunch with Angela Merkel, has dropped all demands for concessions in favour of squirming in his seat while grimacing.
EU president Jean-Claude Juncker said: “I noticed he’d hired a cheap private jet with no loo and called everyone telling them to keep him hydrated.
“After lunch, he’s visiting a hydroelectric power plant in Romania then standing very still on stage while Sweden honours war veterans next to the Njupeskär waterfall.”
Cameron, who was told he is welcome to use any toilet facilities as long as he asks in that country’s native language, was last seen desperately eyeing a pot plant.