Fake news media having a particularly busy day

THE fake news media is busily reporting all kinds of lies and nonsense while ignoring the real story about how America is becoming great again, a source has claimed. 

Outlets devoted to fake news, including the New York Times, CNN, USA Today and all foreign media organisations, are frantically reporting criminal charges against two people Trump never met while refusing to cover the United States’ incredible resurgence. 

Journalist Helen Archer confirmed: “I know the truth – that America, thanks to one man, is back at number one – but it’s more than my job’s worth to report it. 

“Instead I have to focus on these two men unconnected to the Trump administration facing entirely unrelated criminal charges and make a big fuss about it as if it matters even slightly. 

“The most popular president of all time has put America on top, destroyed ISIS, and ended the War on Christmas and I’m reporting this garbage. But those are my orders. 

“If only I could listen to the people and give them the facts about the country they cherish being better than ever. But I knew when I joined the fake news media that lies were how I earned my pay.” 

An anonymous source said: “There is a single Twitter account that tells the unvarnished truth about America’s greatness. They call it Real Donald Trump.” 

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Fox hunting still number one hobby that's not really a hobby it's just f**king horrible

FOX Hunting is still the number one hobby for people who need to realise it is not a hobby it is just nasty, it has been confirmed.

As it emerged that fox hunters had blocked badger setts leaving the animals to starve, the whole fox hunting thing is again being looked at like a past time for elderly sociopaths.

Fox hunter Martin Bishop said, “I just don’t see what’s wrong with brutally killing a small animal with a pack of dogs, some horses, a whole big group of us – and we’ve got fucking shotguns too – as being any different to playing darts.

“Obviously, in darts you don’t kill a living creature at the end of it, but we could always have another look at the rules.”

Fellow fox hunter Denys Finch Hatton added, “If I want to ride around on a horse with a shotgun and pack of dogs looking for foxes to kill, why should it be anyone’s business but me and the foxes?”

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “If a man can go out and catch a fox with his bare hands and kill it without the fox managing to get his licks in then fair play.

“If he needs a pack of dogs, 40 mates, a load of horses and enough artillery to knock off Fort Knox then it’s really not a fair fight.”