Family’s excitement at getting on ferry rapidly fades

BEING on a ferry is f**king boring, a strike-hit British family has discovered.

Father-of-two Roy Hobbs said “We were stuck at Dover for hours because of those French workers striking, so you can imagine we were all pretty psyched about getting on the ferry.

“But there’s absolutely nothing to do apart from playing on the fruit machines and repeatedly browsing the duty-free shop. It’s like a floating limbo.

“At least in the car we could listen to the radio.”

Hobbs’s 12-year-old daughter Susan said: “According to a rumour going round, there’s a room on Deck 3 where they’re showing a video tape of The Neverending Story.

“Other than that it’s just sitting in a chair for hours, trying not to be sick.

“This is the most tedious thing I have ever experienced.”

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Boss believes he’s not a prick outside of work

A SENIOR manager is under the impression that outside of work he somehow stops being a prick.

Martin Bishop knows that he is loathed in his workplace, but believes that his personality is somehow transformed when he leaves the office.

He said: “I am a tough, sometimes aggressive taskmaster and that can get some people’s backs up. They don’t realise I’m really a good person.

“When that clock hits 5.30pm and we hit the pub or maybe a lap dancing place, you’ll see a totally different side of me.

“I tell stories, I tip the girls well, and I don’t talk ‘shop’. Most all of, I treat my subordinates as if they were my social and intellectual equals.”

Bishop also added that he knows Alec Baldwin’s scene from Glengarry Glen Ross word for word but has never watched the whole film.

Roy Hobbs is a member of Bishop’s team: “I went for a drink with him one day to see if he was any different outside of work.

“He drank three pints while I was still on my first and then proceeded to talk at me for two hours about what I could be doing to be more like him at work.

“It was like getting a TED talk from a bitter, loveless stepfather.”