Furious expats to vote through their adult children

EXPATRIATES who cannot participate in the EU referendum have vowed to give their children detailed instructions on how to vote. 

Yesterday’s supreme court decision means that many thousands of Britons living in Europe are unable to vote for Britain to leave Europe, which they have described as “sheer hypocrisy.”

Julian Cook, who moved from Manchester to the south of France, said: “Nobody knows what’s wrong with the country better than we do because we’ve got the necessary distance.

“From here it’s perfectly clear to see that entire cities are under Sharia law and criminals openly wield guns in the streets, which my daughter in Hemel Hempstead wilfully denies.

“Well, the PC police can’t get to me here, and her vote is my vote. I call her nightly explaining why voting yes is a betrayal of England that will see her name live in infamy forever.”

“Also I tell her how wonderful and sunny it is here and how much better the food is. I know she can’t hear that too much.”

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Cat to continue sitting in window like he owns the f**king street

A CAT has announced plans to continue sitting in the front window of a house, watching over everything like Stalin in communist Russia.

Black and white cat Norman Steele has been spending most of his time in the living room window, observing his kingdom and his servants.

Steele said: “I’m pretty much the ‘big dog’ around here, except that I’m a cat.

“Which just shows how much of a ‘big dog’ I am.”

Steele says that he will remain in the window for the foreseeable future, only moving when he hears someone open a cupboard in the kitchen, in which case he will run quicker than the president of Tunisia at the beginning of the Arab Spring.

Steele said: “Sometimes, I see the postman coming up the path and I think ‘just put the letters through the letter box and then you may walk away’.

“And that’s exactly what he does.”