Sunday, 8th December 2019

Government asked if it could just once not f**k up sterling when everyone's on holiday

BRITONS have asked their government if it would mind not sending the pound into freefall right before their summer holidays every bloody year. 

Threats of a no-deal Brexit have once again sent the pound plummeting against the euro, the dollar, the Turkish lira and all other currencies of hot countries where the UK has two weeks booked.

Tom Booker of Derby said: “It might be nice to have one holiday where the government isn’t snatching cocktails from my hand and dashing them to the ground. Just one.

“Instead, ever since 2016, the Tories decide to engage in July-August economic brinksmanship and I run out of spending money four days before my flight, while the Germans watch and laugh.

“I suppose last year they did vary things a bit by sending the pound into freefall at the beginning of December last year, depriving thousands of kids visiting Lapland of a reindeer feeding experience. So that was good of them.”

Chancellor Sajid Javid said: “Thing is, politics is a bit boring in summer so we play a game of chicken with the Eurozone’s larger economies to keep our adrenaline up.

“If it’s ruined your holiday it serves you right for not choosing a patriotic British break. We’re dynamiting the Channel tunnel next year anyway.”